A Modern Yogi

Cabin - outsideIn May I did a 10 day solitary retreat among the mountains in Northeast Vermont at Karme Choling, one of Shambhala’s land centers for group and individual retreats. This was an opportunity for me to deepen the practices that I have learned in the four years that I have been with Shambhala, participating in their core educational path.

I was about to turn 60 and having been a life long federal employee, I was a little more than six months from retirement. These and other transitions that were occurring in my life made this time in retreat even more significant.

This, however, was the context, but not the reason for doing this retreat.  My motivation was threefold: to better understand the nature of mind, to see more clearly the three root kleshas or conflicted emotions (passion, aggression and ignorance), and to connect more deeply to meditation and contemplative practices that I have gratefully received from my Shambhala Buddhist teachers.

roadtocabinI stayed in a wooden cabin built for one person. It was actually quite comfortable, nestled in the woods and surrounded by the lush, green trees of Spring. , I was visited by the local wildlife – chipmunks, deer, wild turkey, many birds, and a nocturnal porcupine that liked to chew on the outside treated wood of my cabin in the middle of the night.  Water in containers and ice packs were delivered to the cabin as there is no electricity or running water.  There was a wood burning stove for heat and propane gas for the stove and to provide light in the evenings.  Having brought all my food for 10 days, I was set for spending this time completely by myself.

Having worked with my meditation instructor beforehand, together we came up with a daily schedule of 8 to 9 hours of practice and an hour and a half of Dharma study each day.  Adding in meal prep, cleanup, bathing, a short walk every day and 8 hours of sleep, my typical day turned out to be quite full. I quickly discovered that a workable schedule is so important for a solitary retreat.

So, after 10 days of solitary retreat, what has come out of this?  Well, right after the retreat I surprisingly and immediately feltretreat-meditation a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.  This was both outwardly and inwardly challenging and in spite of running into all the kleshas that I listed above, I was able to complete what I had set out to do.  That felt good.

As I reentered my everyday world, I noticed a greater calmness, stability and lower reactivity to my external world.  There was a greater sense of equinimity.  This, like everything else, passed with time.  But what I still notice is that when I am out of balance, feeling off-centered and not very synchronized, I feel more confident about being able to right myself and get back into balance with a little more ease and confidence than before.

One surprising lesson I learned is that where ever I am, I am there.  Regardless of where I travel or what my activities are, I am there with my same mind, with my joys, pains, happiness and sorrows.  In 12 step programs they use the term “geographic cure” for those trying to fix their addiction by moving to a new city, finding a new relationship, getting a new job, etc., but ending up with battling the same addictive demons because the addiction is connected to the person, not the circumstance.  Chogyam Trungpa, in his book The Path is the Goal, writes about how we all carry around our own portable stage set.  In whatever situation we are in, we unfold this stage set and apply the appropriate backdrop, lighting and actors (we’re usually the protagonist), recreating a basic space that we feel comfortable operating within.  We carry this stage set even into our meditation sessions.  But here we have the opportunity to sit with this, noticing the display that we create and project, and finally come face to face with it and make friends with it.

One way of looking at a solitary retreat is like doing a marathon.  Most people start with an exercise program, begin a jogging routine, and may eventually do a 5K, 10K, a 10 miler and possibly a half-marathon before embarking on running a marathon.  And some people may never have the desire to run a marathon.  The same is true for doing a solitary retreat.  Beginning with a daily meditation practice, taking weekend meditation programs, doing a week or two week group meditation retreat are all good steps to take before considering a solitary retreat.  And like a marathon, a meditation practitioner may never desire or need to do this type of retreat.

For me, I was motivated and prepared to do this solitary retreat and have benefited greatly from it.

by Rod Fiorito

 

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